Happy Time for Hetalia!
by CosmicKitten89
Summary: Each chapter is crack about the masturbatory adventures of ONE of the characters.  Characters done by request, first come, first serve.
1. Chapter 1

**Hey fans, as stated in the description, this story will feature crack-y feats of self-pleasure, each chapter featuring a different Hetalia character. Characters are done upon request on a first-come first-serve basis. Just state in your review what character you want me to do a crack-filled chapter of fapping for. All canon Hetalia characters are welcome, male or female, just no genderbent characters or OCs. Characters that appear in the anime are preferable, since I don't have much experience with the manga or the webcomics. **

**So, lucky first reviewer, YOU get to decide whom the first subject is! :D**


	2. Prussia's AWESOME Little Roddy

Hey everybody! It's me, the AWESOME Prussia!

_Kesese_ so I felt like picking on Specs today, see. Perhaps raping him again and taking another piece off of him for my own. The weak pussy.

So I peek through the window - fool hasn't learned by now not to leave the curtains open, but noooo, he wants the sunlight to come in and make his entire fancy ass house all sparkly and pretty! What kind of man would live in such a house? A man without a dick, that's what kind!

And, to my surprise, I found that Specs DID have a dick when I invaded his vital regions. A long and skinny one, with a little mole on it just like the one on his face, which he said represented the village of Fucking.

_FUCKING_! I understood enough English to know what THAT means! I laughed and I laughed at the irony and he very nearly got away, but my soldiers managed to stop him just in time.

Oh, and he has erectile dysfunction. Not fun when you want to play the uke.

Anyway, so I was peeking through the window at him - and who should be there but HUNGARY! Talk about a cock block.

And so I cannot hear what they are saying through the glass that he hand-polishes to sparkling perfection every day, but I can sort of tell what they are up to because they go upstairs together to the master bedroom._ Kesese_ hope Specs remembered to take Viagra!

So I screamed and rubbed my greasy hands all over his window. Kesese that ought to make for a tough cleanup!

I wanted so badly for him to fuck me in the ass. Even if he can't do it with his dick at least use a musical instrument or something. Kesese it would actually be kind of sexy if he jammed an oboe up my ass and started playing it up there. Ohhh, his prissy little girl music would make me SING! And he would probably never use his oboe again...

So I go to Spencer's to get myself an inflatable boyfriend.

Very generic-looking. That just won't cut it. Needs hair.

So I went to the wig shop and got him a messy brown wig, the cheapest I could find. _Verdammt_ if I'm not becoming stingy like HIM!

Oh and I also needed specs - after all, he wouldn't be Specs without them.

Hmm, my AWESOME pair of sunglasses might do - if I punched the lenses out - there.

Oh and he needs clothing. Yeah I know but that makes him all the more fun to strip.

So I went to Party City, and I lucked out - they were having a Renny Fair sale! So I picked a fancy blue jacket and a nice corset - come on now, he MUST be wearing a corset to have such a girlish figure, especially considering how much cake and other shit he eats!

Oh and some fancy fluffy pants too, and some shiny boots.

I couldn't find that frilly Kleenexy-looking thing that he always has tied around his neck no matter what he's wearing, even if it's pajamas. So, I decided that I could just use a Kleenex. I stole one from the box at the counter that they have for the employees because it's flu season - kesese!

So all I needed was a musical instrument of some sort. It would have to be a real instrument because a fake one just wouldn't be sexy. So I go to the music store to look for the sexiest instrument.

Piano is his favorite, but those are too big. The flutes and clarinets and other kinds of instruments that people blow spit into look nice, but what REALLY catches my eye is a pretty little violin.

Aww, she is just so curvy and sexy! I swear, I was getting hard just looking at the thing! I could just imagine Roddy's tender little girl fingers rubbing the stick with the horsehairs on it over the cat guts stringed down her belly. Ohh, with thoughts like that I had better leave the store soon!

So I go home and dress my little Roddy up. And awww, you should have seen how cute he looked in the stuff I bought him!

But not quite boner-ready yet. Time to bring out the Magic Markers!

I colored in his eyes, made them look a pretty sparkly shade of purple, drew them like the eyes of a pretty anime girl. I drew the mole on his chin - oh mein Gott! That mole just kills me! I then pulled down his pants to draw a little Fucking on little Roddy's little Roddy.

But there was something missing... oh that's right! His HAIR needed a fixing!

I put the wig on and took a shower with it. I put some of my awesome shampoo and some of my awesome conditioner on it to clean it and straighten it out. Then I got out of the shower and dried it and started combing it.

Damn it was hard to get his hairstyle just right! Man I had to use loads of my AWESOME hair gel, the same kind that I use to keep my hair looking AWESOME. I use the extra-hold stuff to make that stupid little curl of his stick up.

OK so I put the wig on my Roddy doll, now the image was complete.

Oh I wanted to fuck its ass! But I knew I couldn't because I would probably blow its ass and then there would be no more little Roddy.

But I wanted him to fuck ME in the ass! I took his little violin and rubbed the stick over the cat entrails, and it sounded AWFUL, screechy, not at ALL awesome, like the music that Roddy plays. How does he manage that?

No matter all I wanted right now was for Roddy to rub that stick over MY entrails!

I opened my ass with my fingers just wide enough for me to make Roddy stick the violin stick thingy, whatever it's called, inside. I didn't want to lube it because I wanted to feel it ROUGH... oh how BADLY I wished it were Roddy playing me with his skilled hands instead of this clumsy muppet!

"Gilbird!"

Yup, that's right, I called my awesome and sweet little birdie over so that he could lend me a hand - well actually a beak - with the violin stick. He fluttered back and forth with the stick in his beak and it felt sweeter, just as a tickle actually feels like a tickle when you're not tickling yourself but having somebody else doing it for you, plus there is not the pain of having to reach down to do it yourself.

I held my body over little Roddy as I growled and moaned at him, being heaved back and forth by my little birdie. I poked him in the mole, knowing how much that secretly pleasures him.

"Ohhh, Gilbert, zat vas qvite zee orgasm, if I do say myself. Vould you please be a dear and touch it again, love?" Yeah, that's right, I mimicked his sissy prissy voice, right down to his snooty Viennese accent.

I then tugged at his curl. I know how much this annoys him. Strange, because the other countries I have raped like it. Or maybe he's just really good at hiding it, the prude bastard?"

"Hey, Gilbert, qvit tveaking my precious Mariazell! She doesn't like to be molested anymore zan Fuckingk does! I svear she is not an erogenous zone!"

Damn, it was taking so long to orgasm! Gilbird is too weak to really drive it in there!

And then, you know what? My intestines started to feel queasy. Urp. I thought maybe I was allergic to horsehair, or maybe I really punctured something up there.

Then I realized, with a SQUIRT! I had diarrhea! Dang, served me right for eating all of that crappy stale leftover _Strudel_ and_ Linzertorte_ that Specs threw out!

Aaaugh... the pain of having the squirts was causing me to... oh Gott for the first time in my life diarrhea pain actually felt good!

I CLIMAXED! And it was AWESOME! Feeling the horsehairs scrape my butthole from the sheer power of poop - AWESOME. The violin stick shot out of my butt and got little Roddie all poopy. Eew. _Kesese..._

An event such as this calls for a celebration! And what better way to celebrate than with _Bier!_

I pour myself a tall glass of _Fucking Hell_ _(kesese_) and sit down to share it with little Roddy.

"Hey, Specs, would you care for a tall one?"

"No zank you, I much prefer vine, because it is so much fancier."

_Kesese_... Now's my opportunity to turn boring old Roddy into the MOST INTERESTING MAN ON EARTH! (asides from me_ kesesese_...)

"I do not alvays drink beer, but vhen I do, it's Austrian beer, and certainly not Prussian beer."

"Oh but the beer will wash that shit right off of you! Look!"

I spill some of the beer onto him, and the diarrhea stain comes right off. _Kesesesese..._


	3. Germany's Jewish Problem

**Note to Readers:**

**The Holocaust was no joke. There was a very good reason that the creator omitted it from the Hetalia: Axis Powers anime, manga and webcomics. **

**Daring reader, I now present to you the Hetalian Holocaust, in all of its graphic detail.**

**(I own nothing in this fic,by the way).**

Once again I was called to my boss's office for some other awful purpose. What now? Forcibly seize another country into my house? As if Austria wasn't bad enough... Or maybe he was going to force me to... ugh I didn't even want to think about it...

"_Deutschland_, you are aware of the Jewish problem, am I correct?"

I sighed. This boss had a pathological hatred for Jews, and many other things, for that matter. "Very much so, _mein Fuhrer_. Are you ready to implement the Final Solution?"

"Yes, tomorrow you are to report to Auschwitz for a physical exam. You need to be purged of your Judaism."

"B-but mein Fuhrer, I am not Jewish! I am Protestant!"

"Chiefly, yes, but parts of you are Jewish. And those parts need to be, ahem, cleansed."

I went home and I screamed into a fancy pillow that Austria made for me. "That _verdammte_ - I wish he would die! One of these days I swear I am going to kill him - shoot him while he's off guard, or put him in jail, or poison him..."

"Calm down, Germany, it's not that bad," Austria said as he was sipping his chamomile tea.

"NOT THAT BAD? He's trying to get rid of a significant part of me! Probably painfully! Who knows what he will do - shave me? Experiment on me? Burn me? Cut me? _Castrate me?"_

"I was there yesterday. You'll be fine; trust me."

Austria smiled and took another sip of tea.

"Oh, and by the way, do you think you can fix me some coffee? Fresh-ground Italian roast, if you don't mind."

Perhaps I should poison Austria...

And so the next day I reported to that awful camp. Something about the place just didn't feel right...

"Hallo, Germany, I am doctor Prussia, kesese, and I am going to give you a physical to make sure that you aren't disabled or Slavic or Jewish or homo or anything like that."

UGH! ANYBODY but Prussia! Of course he would go along with my boss's ways...

"I swear, doctor, I am perfectly Aryan-"

"OPEN WIDE!"

Prussia peeked inside my mouth with a flashlight and a popsicle stick. "Hmm, no Jewish teeth, that's good, otherwise they would have to be extracted."

He shone the light in my eye. "Splendid. A beautiful Aryan blue."

He picked his fingers through my hair. "Blonde, all the way down to the roots. Superb."

He checked my muscles. "Everything appears to work right, so there won't be any need for an operation."

He gave me an x-ray and looked at my bones. "Beautiful Caucasoid bone structure."

"Okay, Mister Germany, it appears that you are indeed one hundred percent Aryan."

What a relief.

"However, I KNOW that you have Jewish in you somewhere, so they must be in the one part of your body that hasn't yet been inspected, kesese..."

Uh oh. CASTRATION ALERT!

Prussia dragged me unwillingly to the door to what looked like a sauna, but I got the gut feeling it was something far worse, such as an operating room.

"Quit fighting, goddamnit! You'll have hell to pay from _Der Fuhrer_ if you don't comply..."

He shoved me into the room, while he stood outside peeking through the window like a voyeur and kesesesing.

"Now see that picture of Jesus on the wall? You are to jerk off at it, doctor's orders."

"WHAT? You can't be serious! That is blasphemous!"

"But the Jew in you won't care, he thinks Jesus is just another man. Now all you have to do is wank off enough cum to purge all the Jewishness - not to mention the _queerness_ - out of your system and you're free to go."

"Are you serious? You aren't going to... castrate me or anything?"

"No, kesesesese... Had to castrate Poland though, his balls had WAAAY too much Jewish in them. He didn't mind so much, since he already thinks he's a girl, kesesesese...

"Oh, and I almost forgot THESE!" Prussia threw in a dreidel and a menorah with candles. I suppose that he is expecting me to use these as sex toys; wouldn't a cross make more sense?

"Would you at least give me my privacy?"

"Oh, sure, kesesese..."

Prussia disappeared from the window. I didn't trust him to really give me my privacy, but I figured, I might as well get it over with.

I stripped myself completely and looked at the picture of Jesus. I'll think of it as a form of worship instead of desecration. Scratch that; it's not really even desecration, it's just a picture, so to sanctify it would be idolatry.

He was kind of a sexy man, I guess...

I imagined him without the angelic white robe on. The visual resembled the David, but hairier, and of course anatomically accurate.

But the dick was small - so I imagined it to be bigger.

My dick was starting to swell.

I looked at the dreidel. Of what use could that possibly be for this purpose? It was way too fat to shove up my ass. The markings were inaccurate, and it wasn't even made out of real wood. I threw it at the wall.

It cracked open, and then I found out that it was actually a lube capsule.

I took one of the candles out of the menorah and dipped it in the lube and stuck it into my ass. It was too skinny, being like a little wax birthday candle that is stuffed into a cake (of course the menorah would be inaccurate as well) so I lubed and shoved a few other candles up there.

I squeezed down on the candles. My rectum began to swallow a few of them. Surprisingly, the swallowing felt kind of good.

My dick got really hard. I tried to shove it into my tightly clenched fist while I was looking at the Jesus, imagining shoving it up his tight virgin asshole...

"Oh Lord..." The Jesus in my mind was simply... _divine_. Jewish precum was dripping out.

I seized the menorah, now empty of candles, and shoved it into my asshole. The hard metal scratched against my prostate, and I got closer and closer to cumming...

I farted, and all the candles that had been swallowed halfway up the colon came out. The pressure of all of those candles in my rectum was painful, but in a _divine_ way...

I screamed, "HALLELUJAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!"

I squirted a massive load of Jewish cum onto the floor. There. I am done.

"Bravo, West! BRAVO!"

I knew it! That damn Prussia was watching me the whole time! Dr. Prussia ran in and shook my hand for a second before wiping it off on his clothes, saying, "Eeeww, Jews!"

He held the door open and commanded me to exit.

"Now, Germany, you will need to take a shower to wash the remainder of the Jewish spermies off of you."

"But wasn't I just in a shower room?"

"No, West, you don't want to use THIS shower room. Here, lemme show you why..."

Prussia pressed a button and the inside of the chamber was sprayed with volumes and volumes of gas which, judging by the sickening almondlike scent that was leaking out, was hydrogen cyanide.

"It's a sterilization chamber," Prussia explained. "Anything infected with Jews needs to be sterilized and what better to sterilize it with than PRUSSIC ACID! Awesome name, by the way, kesesese..."

I kind of feel sorry for all of the poor Jewish sperm that are being gassed...


	4. Canada's Plushophilia

"HEY CANADA!"

It was a world meeting, and one of those rare times that America notices me.

"I was just wondering, why does your polar bear never grow into a big polar bear?"

"Um..."

"Oh, is it some sort of genetically modified miniature polar bear?"

"Yeeeaahhh..."

"OK I want one!"

"You can't have one."

"Why not? I'm sure it's cold enough up at my summer home in Alaska."

I shivered as I held tightly to my sweet Kumajiro.

"Oh I KNOW WHY! IT'S ACTUALLY A BABY POLAR BEAR AND YOU KILL IT FOR FUR BEFORE IT GETS BIG AND THEN GET ANOTHER BABY POLAR BEAR AND THEN DO THE SAME THING TO THAT ONE! I'LL BET YOU'VE NEVER BROUGHT THE SAME POLAR BEAR TO TWO MEETINGS! NO WONDER HE NEVER REMEMBERS WHO YOU ARE!"

"A-America, t-that's ridiculous! I don't k-k-kill polar bears, you are getting them confused with harp seal pups-"

"OH SO YOU ADMIT IT! EVERYONE, CANADA KILLS BABY SEALS, EVERYONE BOYCOTT HIM UNTIL HE CHANGES HIS EVIL WAYS!"

"Big deal, I club 'em all the time up in my Greenland territory," said Denmark.

"Mother Russia hunts seals too, kolkolkol."

"As do I," added Norway. "Face it, if you got harp seals in Alaska, you would be involved in the fur trade as well."

I took that moment of heated discussion to flee the world conference, red-faced and sweating, with my clueless Kumajiro pressed tight to my chest. America had been unusually and alarmingly astute that day.

I went back to my cabin up in Newfoundland, the one that has all of the harp seal furs. They hadn't been selling as well as I had hoped. The folks here have few other ways to make money, which makes me sad that I have to kill all these poor innocent harp seal babies to raise money for them.

I remembered when I found this Kumajiro. His mother had drowned from being too tired to swim to the next nearest ice floe to find food. Damn global warming... CURSE AMERICA FOR THIS! Oh, and China now, too.

This one was almost drowned as well, but luckily I happened to be around on my sealing boat to wrest him from the icy water and resuscitate him.

That was two weeks ago.

"Who are you?" Kumajiro asked as he sat like a dog on the ancient Kodiak bear skin that I had shot back when killing them was legal.

"How... many... times... do I have... to tell you..." I clenched my fists while trying to keep a cheery expression while looking at this bear cub who had forgotten who had saved his life and fed him and kept him warm and brought him everywhere i went... This one seemed unusually forgetful...

"I..."

I get out of my chair and reach a hand toward the wall.

"Am..."

I nervously fingered the object on the wall that I was now looking at.

"CANADA!"

I take this object, a club, and bash it down on Kumajiro's head.

And then, through a hideously gruesome process that makes me sick to even think about, I gutted him and stuffed him like Chuck Testa.

I stare at the adorable stuffed animal that I had bloodied my hands to make. _What have I done?_

I had just cold-bloodedly, brutally murdered this creature, who had loved me like his own mother, despite his inability to remember my name.

I hugged it and cried into its greasy light-refracting fur. I had loved Kumajiro. I loved him like a son. I loved him like a brother. I loved him like a...

Kumajiro. Even dead and stuffed, he is so... _beautiful._ And, since he is a stuffed animal, I do not suppose that it counts as beastiality...

I put his paw to my curl and made him bat it. Ahaha, that felt so good... I wish he did this to me when he was alive...

My sealskin pants were tightening. Tweaking my curl made my penis grow.

I took stuffed!Kumajiro and rubbed him against my pants. Aaah, that felt good.

I took off my pants and pulled down my big wooly underpants. I picked him up and shoved him, mouth-first, onto my erection. I waggled it around and laughed, seeing that it looked like a polar bear had bitten my cock and I should be running around screaming.

So I ran around screaming. But in my head I was laughing. I landed on the bear rug and rolled around, laughing, still having him "blow" on me.

I lay on my back and waggled my legs in the air. I then turned over and started humping. Up and down, up and down, like a little kid on one of those bouncy spring animals you see at the playground. God, no wonder kids like them so much!

I was just about to cum, but I wanted to make the moment last longer. I took my dick out and rubbed it over stuffed!Kumajiro's soft cuddly fur. Ohoho, how it soothed... how it tickled! How I couldn't help but drive it back into Kumajiro, this time into his anus.

It drove in so deep that the stitching tore and I got the stuffing all soaked in cum.

And then I decided to give little Kummy a turn. Fortunately, I made sure he was still anatomically correct.

I sucked on his furry little underdeveloped dick. It still tasted freshly of him, but I knew that it would never grow, never harden, never cum...

Gaaah! I AM a zoophile! I HAD to stop...

And so I gave stuffed!Kumajiro a bath. After all, China won't want to buy him if he's all sticky with cum up his back end and precum up his front end.

And then I went out hunting. For a new Kumajiro, who would likely become yet another victim in the vicious cycle.

After all, I do endure a lot of tension from those other patronizing and ignorant countries...

And knowing China, that he demands lots and lots and LOTS of stuffed animals...


	5. Drunk Russia

I am Russia, kolkolkol...

I was at world meeting, just sitting there, everybody giving me creeped-out looks. Maybe it's creepy purple aura that comes off of me when I am... ahem, doing stuff, kolkolkol. Only one that was not scared is Belarus. My sister, she is so pretty, but also scary. She probably knew why I was giving off dark aura.

"Big Brother, I have present for you," she said. Her arms were folded all cute behind back. My aura disappeared when she got near. I hope present is not sharp knife...

"Surprise!" She got the present out from behind her back. It was bottle of Smirnoff with ribbon striped in Russian flag colors tied around bottle neck. How nice. But I fear she might have put love potion inside.

So I took the bottle and looked at it. It was tightly sealed, so I am guessing it is just nice gift from her. Sometimes she is just nice like that.

"Why, thank you, Belarus."

"You should drink it now, Big Brother," she said.

"But I am not supposed to drink during world meeting," I said.

"DRINK." She got that scary look in her eye. I saw sharp shiny point of knife she was holding behind back.

So I open bottle and drank. Nobody seemed to notice, which is good.

"Mmm, that's good vodka..." I put cap on bottle and hide in coat.

"DRINK MORE." Belarus put knife next to my neck.

So I took the bottle and drank about half of it. It was pretty big bottle. I don't want to get drunk during world meeting...

"DRINK IT ALL." She whispered. I felt cold Belarussian steel on neck. So I drank the last half. Oh well, I am Russia, it should take lots more to make me drunk, da?

"Good." Belarus went back to her seat. I go back to making dark aura.

I feel all buzzed from Russian vodka. It was quite a lot to drink at once. But I like feeling, made me feel all jolly. So I put hands in pants and play with dick even harder, and then it get hard.

America discussed... stuff. I didn't hear it well, everything looked all swampy and dizzy. Hey, America looked kind of cute. So did other countries. Maybe they like to see more of Russia, da?

So I got up on table and laughed, "kolkolkolkolkol..."

Everyone scared of me. America made some remark about me being Commie. Well I am NOT Commie anymore, that was all the back in nineteen eighties! So I took vodka bottle and threw at him.

Belarus was turning red. She must think I am being cute throwing stuff at people, kolkolkol.

Germany got up and got all angry. He said something about me exhibiting inappropriate behavior during world meeting. Maybe he calm down if he see Russian dick, da?

So I pull down pants and everyone gasped. Except for Belarus, who smiled. She been wanting to see this for a long time.

It then hit me that what I was doing is inappropriate. So I have simple solution: put condom on!

So I put condom on and jerked my thing around. The other countries covered eyes. Belarus was probably getting horny and wet.

But I spin it around and around and my dark aura got bigger and bigger. Inside of condom getting wet.

I rubbed it and rubbed it and then cum burst out. Condom got all saggy like water balloon. Dark aura knocked out all of whole world, except for Belarus, who is immune to dark aura.

I took condom and tied it up like water balloon and threw it at Belarus. That maybe keep her happy for little while.

And then I woke up in Belarus's house in Minsk. Uh oh...


	6. France's Pleasure Party

Bonjour everybody! I am France, and let me tell you about my epic pleasure parties!

Well, you see, I used to have the most awesome orgies. I invited the entire world to them, and I had a hot time getting rough and tumble with the world's hottest men - and women, for that matter!

But then one day nobody showed up. Perhaps my appetite was too great for them, that's all.

Hmm, there has to be some way to get all those beautiful countries back in my house...

Aha! Instead of an orgy, I could host a PLEASURE PARTY!

That's like an orgy, only you play with yourself instead of with the others.

I included the full description in the invites. State-of-the-art sex toys! Dildos galore! _Magnifique_ music to masturbate to!

I asked everybody on the invites to _Respondez S'il Vous Plait,_ and here are the ones that did:

Spain:

"Hola amigo, sorry, I cannot be there. I am having a tomato party with Romano. Hasta luego!"

Darn, and I had even thought to bring tomatoes here too!

Prussia:

"Hey, France, I'm a little busy conquering other kingdoms and being just plain AWESOME at the moment, so I can't make it to your party, which I'm probably too awesome for anyway. Auf wiedersehen!"

Sacre dieu! I thought for sure that my fellow Bad Touchers would be there. Oh well, hopefully I can get Austria in my house this time - I have had my eye on that beautiful bastard for a long time, but he refused to attend my orgies, but I thought a pleasure party might be more his style.

Austria:

"Dear Mister Bonnefoy,

I am terribly sorry, but I must insist on declining your invitation. You see, in my opinion, masturbation is a vulgar habit, especially to do in public, such as at one of your parties. I hope you understand.

Cheers,

Roderich Edelstein"

Pity. No wonder Monsieur Edelstein is so high-strung all the time.

I check everybody else's invitations. England is still mad at me for painfully buttraping him during my last orgy, and America feels that he is not ready to show off his flabby body in public anytime soon. Russia claims to be snowbound, and China is celebrating some Chinese holiday on that date. Japan is too busy working, Germany is too depressed about his economy, Italy says he'd rather check out Spain and Romano's tomato party, Poland is playing chess with Lithuania (SURE he is!) and all of the other countries failed to _Respondez S'il Vous Plait_.

I feel like crying! NOBODY wants to come to my first-ever pleasure party!

But then I realize... I am in a room filled with dildos, lube, and other erotic and fun objects!

And luckily, I happen to have some pictures of my favorite sex targets!

I put up some photos of Spain, Prussia and I having a threesome together, of England running around naked in his house while pretending to be surrounded by fairies, of Italy sleeping with Germany, and all those espionage photos I took of Austria (just pictures of him brushing his teeth and sleeping, the sexiest I could find was one of him in his boxers - man really is a prude). All of these sexy pictures are REALLY turning me on!

I take the multicolored dildos and write names on them - the dark blue one is Prussia, the red one is Spain, the pink one is Poland, the green one is England, the black one is Germany, and the purple one is Austria.

Just one thing is missing - MUSIC. I turn on French Affair's "Sexy".

I lip sing it: "You're so... sexy sexy sexy!" using Prussia as a microphone while sticking Spain up my ass. I stared at the picture of the Bad Touch threesome - ooh la la!

And then I switch Prussia to the ass and Spain to the microphone. An erection - Ooh la la! I stick Spain into a tomato and stick him into my mouth. Spain, you're missing out...

I dip Prussia into the custard and suck on him a little as well. Oopsie, I almost forgot my triple crown!

It's like a cock ring but it goes on your balls as well.

Ohhh, ENGLAND...

I smooch the picture of his magnifique body while waggling my cock around. I imagine that the tightness of my cock and balls being squeezed is the tightness of England's ass.

I put the penis sleeve on little England and coat it with lube to shove up my ass. I stop lip singing and shriek, "OOH LAA LAAAAAAAAAA!"

But I haven't come yet. Apparently I need a little stimulation from one reluctant party...

The pretty sparkly pictures of Austria... he is SOOO photogenic! Prussia is always going on and on about how good he is... I wish he were here to spank me, I brought a riding crop to this party for that exact purpose!

Perhaps I can play the female here! I put on a wig that looks like Hungary's hair and attach an artificial vagina to my cock. I then put a French tickler (heehee) over little Austria and stick him into the fake vagina.

"Ahhh... Oh, Austria, you're so... what a pleasure for you to play the seme for once! You are mad at me for spying on you again, aren't you? Well I deserve it... I've been a naughty boy..."

I stick the riding crop up my ass.

"Yeouwch! Augh, that was uncalled for... extremely pleasurable, though but uncalled for... YEOWCH! sob... QUIT IT! You know hurting me makes me CUM!"

And it did. I came all over the photo of him sleeping that had fallen on the floor. VICTORY!

I suddenly got the feeling that somebody was spying on me... WHO?


	7. Hungary's Penis Envy

_Halló,_ Hungary here. As many of you probably know, when I was a little girl I thought I was a little boy.

I recall one time during which I saw Prussia wanking off. I was spying on him, watching it, disgusted but at the same time turned on, but I was mostly envious.

Prussia had already grown a penis! When was mine going to come in?

I guessed I was just a late bloomer.

Prussia seemed to be having a good time wagging it around, rubbing on it, peeing shapes into the snow...

All I had was a sensitive little bud of a penis. I feared that I was going to grow up to be one of those guys with a small dick. Guys with small dicks rank low on the male pecking order, and I wanted to be a tough country who was respected by the other countries, not teased for being a sissy or a softie or for having a small wanker.

Hmm, maybe if I played with it, it would grow bigger...

I placed the tender tissue between my thumb and finger and began to rub it. It felt pretty good.

I looked around to make sure nobody was spying on me. I was alone in the empty snowy woods, surrounded by thick trees, where even Prussia, down there wanking by the stream, wouldn't find me. Good.

So I pulled my pants down. Despite the cold weather, I didn't because I had eaten a warm and hearty Hungarian meal. The cold actually felt kind of refreshing.

I balled my underwear up and rubbed it into my pelvis. Man, that feels good!

I wanted to bounce up and down on something. Like... maybe that big fallen branch that looked like a broomstick!

I bounced onto the stick, only to feel the uncomfortable prickle of twigs and bark chips. Perhaps this was best to do with my pants on.

So I put my pants back on and started bouncing around like a kid on a hobby horse. I wanted to shriek in delight and laugh and shout, "I'm a witch!" and practice my witch cackle but I was afraid Prussia might hear me. But ohh, this was so much fun! I am sort of a witch, actually, but not the kind that rides broomsticks - not sure if flying broomsticks even exist, to be honest.

The hard stick banging against my crotch should have hurt, but it didn't. I banged it harder and harder against my pelvic bone until I tingled.

Then I rubbed the stick slowly up and down against my crotch. Slow and hard. It was sublime!

Now maybe I should stretch my sorry excuse for a thing the way Prussia does. It's not over until it cums, after all.

So I licked my hands and pulled my fingers over it swiftly and repeatedly. Yes... I think it's going to happen!

I climaxed... I think... but it didn't felt like anything came out.

Maybe because my testicles hadn't dropped yet either.

I pull my pants back up and when I look at my hands, I realize that my fingers had become all wet and reddish-brown.

I CAME BLOOD!

Perhaps I am not developed enough to do what Prussia was doing, I thought...

When I got older and realized that I was actually a female, I learned that what I thought was a penis bud is actually called a clitoris. Years later, when I recounted the event to my dear sweet Austria, he echoed his beloved Freud's ideology by telling me that I had penis envy and perhaps an Electra complex.


	8. Japan Loves Tentacle Porn

_Konichiwa,_ I am Japan.

I was at a world conference one time and America was annoying the entire world with some song he heard on the Internet.

"You know I love you more than the Japanese love tentacle porn so we all DANCE! DANCE! DANCE! To these stereotypes!"

I flushed in embarrassment. _How did he know?_

I had important matters to bring up that day, but I was too shy to bring them up. I just waited until I could get home and back to my hobbies.

But I now had tentacles on the brain, so before I went home I stopped at the adult store and I happened to find just what I was looking for - a giant toy octopus with realistic suction cups, and a penis sleeve with suction cups on it.

My bedroom had pictures of beautiful naked anime women being raped, grabbed, swallowed by giant cephalopods. I don't know about the other countries, but as for mine, it was frighteningly accurate, for I, as do many men in my country, actually do have a fetish for tentacle rape, or _shokushu goukan_.

First, I am going to play the uke to this toy octopus. I wrapped the tentacles around my penis, and then tried to pull the octopus off.

I screamed and pretended that it was real, and I was frightened, and that it was trying to swallow me. Trying to pull the suction cups off felt good on my penis and made it become hard.

I finally pulled the octopus off, and the suction cups made a loud SMACK! and precum flew everywhere.

But the octopus wasn't done yet. I made him stick his tentacles into my anus and swallow my penis up inside his mouth. I tried even harder to pull him off. The pressure of the suction inside my anus was quite an exciting feeling, especially when I made repeated jerks instead of just pulling it steadily, and the octopus's beak titillated my penis. The suction cups made a pleasurable scraping against my rectal walls for a bit until the suction cups finally smacked off and I orgasmed.

I looked down at myself. My penis was covered with hickeys from the suction cups, and marks from the beak that almost drew blood. The octopus was all covered in semen. I wanted to try the penis sleeve, but would have to wait until later.

So I waited until I felt horny again, and in the meantime I drew a beautiful shunga poster of my good friend Greece as a victim of _shokushu goukan_.

When I was done, I put the tentacle sleeve over my penis and squeezed it and pressed it to the wall. I imagined that my tentacle was up inside Greece's rectum, and that he tried, somewhat lazily, to struggle away from it. Darn I wish he would try harder!

So I pull the tentacle away from the wall and slap it hard into it, again and again, enjoying the intensified feelings of thrust that the pulling away from suction pressure gave me. It would be a challenge to push Greece out of his laziness, but all the hard work it would take would result in much pleasure, for it is my culture to embrace hard work.

I keep quiet even as the thrusts and pulls coax me to moan. I must be quiet to sense my imaginary surroundings, and to feel the pleasure more intensely.

Finally Greece was becoming genuinely scared in my head. I slapped my tentacle-penis into the picture, right where Greece's face was, and tore it away.

I tore the entire picture up this way. When I was done I removed my tentacle sleeve and it was filled with semen, which I poured ceremoniously over the torn fragments.

This erotic activity that I have just invented will likely become popular among the tentacle fetishists in my country.


	9. Made by China

_Nín hǎo! _ I am China!

All of you that live in the first world know that nearly everything sold in your countries is "made in China". Just pick up any plastic object in your home and look on the underside.

Your toy dinosaurs that you used to play with as a kid?

Read the belly. "CHINA"

The plastic coating to that "Texas" Instruments calculator you bought? "Made in China."

That stuffed animal you've got hanging from your backpack as a keychain? Read the tag: "Made in China."

All made by me.

Now every once in a while you will find something "Made in Taiwan", but my sister is kind of a part of China too.

Anyway, I got tired of making Mardi Gras beads and I left the job to the girls that live in the factory.

I am fascinated by the things that America has me make. I have no idea what most of them are, but I hope that he really likes them!

Even though he is a jerk who borrows massive loads of money from me, an already-poor country only to never pay it back...

That is why I like being Communist. We all care about each other instead of the poisonous commercialism that plagues the other stupid countries, especially America.

Anyway, I was looking at a bunch of colorful sticklike objects that America - and France - had ordered in massive quantities. France had ordered nearly as many as America, which is strange because America is a much larger country.

I hand-made a few of them - that's right, everything I sell to your countries is handmade!- and I ran my fingers over the strange slightly curved surface. There was something familiar about the way it was shaped...

But of what use could these objects possibly be? They are not sharp enough to use as any sort of tool, not thin enough to probe narrow crevices with, not aerodynamic enough to be used as bullets, and not whimsical enough to be any sort of children's toy.

The stick was thicker than my finger, and longer too. In fact, it was about the same length and thickness as my...

I GET IT! It was a _jiǎ yángjù_ - a false penis!

It is against my country's traditions for males to engage in sex with other males.

However, there is nothing wrong with having some fun with a plastic object!

I tried to shove it into my anus, but it was a little too tight. I jammed it in harder...

AYA! It hurt! It chafed the rough, dry interior of my rectum. It would have felt good, however, if it were a little wet...

Now where is that goopy wet stuff Japan was ordering me to make...

Ah, yes, the false penis felt good when it was all wet. It was nice having a fake penis that I could insert into myself, as hard as I like, instead of having another country insert his own into me, often forcibly and without my consent...

Russia is my main perpetrator.

But no matter. I could pretend this falsie is anybody I want it to be!

Now let's see...

Japan? The capitalist traitor... after I brought him up to be the fine young man he is today, he broke apart from me and set his own language and traditions!

Still, he is a sweet guy... we are like yin and yang; old and young, I am the nation where the sun sets, while he is the nation where the sun rises.

He probably wouldn't ever do to me what I would in my sickest dreams want him to do... but I could always pretend...

I rubbed it forward, at the part where it felt really good. I grunted and moaned, all the while pretending that Japan was violating

me.

"_Aya, Rìběn_... keep out of me, I have more than ten times the soldiers that you do! Keep your imperialistic capitalistic ways to yourself!"

Ohh, but he was overpowering me...

"All right. I'll give in, a tiny bit. But don't expect too much, I already gave up Hong Kong..."

HEY! How about I invade Japan and shove Communism down his ass and show him how he likes being invaded!

I probably should not, because then America will get involved in his quest to stamp out Communism and spread Red Scare horror stories...

Hey, it's all right, this is only make-believe, after all.

I pull the false penis out of my asshole - it feels good coming out - and then press it as hard as I can up against my _yángjù._

My own _yángjù_ becomes harder and harder, and grows (it is not quite as big as the false one, though) and gets wet fluid everywhere. I batter it until the false one breaks, with a loud snap, for it is made of a hard but apparently brittle plastic.

By now I have had my satisfaction, but I am disappointed by the poor quality of the plastic object.

Oh well. What can you expect when they are made by little girls that are paid with pocket change salaries?


	10. Sweden's Sauna Time

I am Sweden.

One day I was sitting in my friend Finland's jacuzzi. He is well known for his excellent saunas. He was in the jacuzzi as well, happily singing "Ievan Polka" while reading a Moomins comic book.

I wanted Finland out of the jacuzzi - not because he was annoying me, I in fact did not in the least mind his gibberish polka tune. I just felt like enjoying a private moment.

I grunted. Finland looked at my creepy face and blanched.

"Oh, OK, Mister Sweden, I-I will leave you t-to yourself now!"

Finland climbed out of the pool, but first he slipped and dropped the Moomins comic book into the water.

Shame. The Moomins are my favorite too.

Oh well.

I made my way over to the part of the sauna where Finland had been sitting. He had been sitting right where the bubble jets were.

Aah.

Such a pleasant burst of warmth to thaw my bones, which had been chilled for the duration of that cold Scandinavian winter, which was not yet half over.

But it was even more pleasant to my loins.

I remove my speedo and ponder for a second where I should put it. I would have a hard time retrieving it if I let it sink to the bottom of the jacuzzi, but if I put it outside of the jacuzzi, somebody might walk in and see it and know that I was completely naked in the jacuzzi.

I hide it under my towel on the bench and return eagerly to my hot relief in the pool. I put my crotch against the bubble jets. Aaah, that feels good, for it to swing so freely like this... I feel that it is going to become stiff...

"Sweden! SWEDEN!"

Finland was knocking on the door. Boner killed.

I dip myself deeper into the pool while he opens the door to come in.

"Norway, Denmark and Iceland have come to my sauna to visit! Would you like to meet with them for a nice hot cup of coffee in the sauna hut?"

I show him my intimidating face again.

"Oo-okay, I-I'll take that as a n-no..."

He shuts the door and runs away.

Relieved, I put my penis back up to the jet and it hardens again. The precum mixes with the hot water as it lengthens. Almost ready...

The door swings open without so much as a warning knock.

"SWEDEN! I GOT YOUR COFFEE!"

It was Denmark, of course. Only he is rude enough to burst open so rudely.

I turned away from the bubble jet as fast as I could, hoping that he does not notice my naked erection. I pointed for him to put the coffee on the bench.

"Ok, then! Hey, are you sure you don't want to try the steam room? It's quite awesome, you know!"

Luckily he was not observant enough to notice anything. I grunted and gave him the LOOK.

"Hehe, OK then, but let me tell you, you're missing out!"

He slammed the door shut, and I jumped out quickly to grab my cup of coffee. Caffeine can sometimes be a great aphrodisiac, after all.

As I sipped my cup dry, I rubbed my erection so that it does not go soft until I can feel the caffeine's stimulating effects.

As I was sipping, I heard Iceland softly knocking on the door and asking, "Is anyone in there?"

I grunted, but he apparently didn't hear me. He opened the door to see me drinking coffee with a sour face.

"I wanted to use the jacuzzi. Now would you mind taking turns?"

I just grunt and give him the FACE again.

"Fine then! I'll just go find another jacuzzi! Probably wouldn't want to use this one anyway..." He muttered at the end. Did he suspect?

I turned around and stimulate myself to a full state of arousal. My penis got stiff enough so that I could shove it into the hole that is blowing the pressurized bubbles out.

It felt so pleasant, and ticklish, and erotic, and certainly warmer than Finland's asshole... but shoving it into the hole was hard. I held on to the edges of the jacuzzi and pulled myself up to it, thrusting as hard as I possibly could...

I finally managed, for a split second, to get my boner into the hole before the bubbles blew it back out.

Uf-dah! I need to get it in the hole again... must, for the most blissful release...

I got it in, and this time, I held it for about three seconds, before I was blown out by my own cum.

I heaved, tired but satisfied, as my erection disappeared and the semen dissolved into the hot jacuzzi water.

"Um, Sweden..."

I felt a jolt of horror and shock.

"You could have locked the door, you know..."

I turned around to see Norway. He must have gotten that feeling about me and then quietly opened the door and had been quietly watching me the entire time!

I gave him the scariest FACE I can possibly give.

Norway sighed. "You might have had a better time in the group sauna, you know."

I know, but I had always wanted to try the bubble jets out!


	11. England's Magical Unicorn Ride

Evening, all. I am England.

Or Britain, many people get the two confused. Quite frankly, I am really not sure whether I represent all of Britain or not anymore...

Anyway, I was at home alone one day, eating a fish and chips TV dinner, watching BBC on the good old telly. Apparently America is debating whether to crack down on pirates or not... I seriously hope that, for his benefit and for the benefit of the world as well, that he does not pass the SoPA bill...

Anyway, I only had a small shot of whiskey tonight.

Quite frankly, that was all I had left.

So that night I was reusing my last packet of Earl Grey instead - and I NEVER reuse my tea packets.

I thought to myself, what a boring Friday night this is. I should be have been out living it up with... someone... instead of stuck here, ALONE.

I would have been at the pub, but I had been banned from it for a month for... ahem, getting too drunk and starting a fight with France... which included a sexual liaison... I'd say I got off rather easy, all things considered...

I groan. Flying Mint Bunny flutters over to me.

"Flying Mint Bunny, I am bored. Why can't I get a date with anyone?"

"Maybe because you are a loser?" he teased.

"A LOSER? I was pretty damn WILD last Saturday night, if I recall correctly!"

"Well, look at you. Eating from a TV dinner. Watching BBC. On a FRIDAY night. If that doesn't scream loser, then I don't know what does."

"For your information, you minty green twit, the only reason I am not out tonight is because I was BANNED from the pub for living it up a little too much!"

"Well, if you're not a loser, then why aren't the fairies out to do you tonight? Tee hee!"

"Come to think of it, I could go for a good tickling... Minty, would you do the honors?"

"Tee hee! Nope!"

"Why, you..." I got up, ready to strangle Mint Bunny's fuzzy green neck.

"Tee hee, just kidding! You actually have a very special visitor tonight!"

"Who, Captain Hook?" I had to admit, I rather enjoyed Hook's vicious S&M play.

"Nope, tee hee!"

A rainbow shone into my living room, and a glorious unicorn pranced in.

"Why, Magical Rainbow Unicorn! Haven't seen you in a while!"

Magical Rainbow Unicorn strode over to my arse.

"Go on, drive it in already..." I waved my hand over, beckoning for him to drive his magical horn up my arse.

And he did.

"OOOH, that feels simply SPLENDID, Uni! Go on, do it again!"

Magical Rainbow Unicorn shook his head and beckoned with his horn for me to go on his back.

"What, you want me to go for a ride? Why, certainly! But first allow me to remove my clothes. I mustn't allow myself to ruin a perfectly good suit!"

I completely stripped myself, then I hopped onto Uni's back and off I go!

I bounced up and down on him as he rocked up and down like one of America's bucking broncos.

"Now that's the way to do it! Make me nice and hard, tallyho!"

I get really rough on Uni, and he whinnies.

"Ooh, I do love it when you whinny! More, MORE!"

I shoved myself harder onto Uni's back until my wanker became fully erect. I drove it into his back, and he whinnied like he had been hammered with a, well, hammer.

I drove my hammer into him more. Haha, the sadistic, sick twisted pervert in me LOVES to inflict pain! Captain Hook always insisted on me being on the receiving end, as did Uni most of the time, but this time, I discovered exactly HOW MUCH I loved playing the sadist!

I drove Uni bonkers until he burst through my front door outside.

"HAHA now THIS is what I call living it up! Oh, wait until France hears I did a UNICORN!"

I rode ALL THE WAY TO TOWN on him! RIGHT in front of the pub that I was kicked out of!

"Sorry, love, we can't go to this one! But there's got to be another pub in London Town, am I right?"

Uni nodded and trotted down the street while I sang,

"London bridge is falling down,

Falling down,

Falling down,

London bridge is falling down,

MY... FAIR..."

I stood up on top of Uni to sing the last note in my rich operatic voice.

"LAAAADYYYYY!"

Everybody stared at me. I ignored them and looked around.

"Oh, look, Uni, that looks like a good pub!"

I rode in, humming the London Bridge tune until Uni tossed me off and pointed at his own arse with his horn.

"What? You want me to... no, I'm sorry, Uni, but I'm afraid that whether I am indeed a Protestant or a Catholic, that bestiality is just plain wrong..."

Uni neighed and poked my pecker with his horn.

"OWCH! Damn it, it feels good when Hook does it! All right, all right, I'll confess it and repent for forgiveness this Sunday..."

So I shoved my wanker up Uni's arse - or tried to, anyway, but it was just TOO TIGHT...

"Damn it, are you a virgin unicorn? No wonder you want it shoved up so bad! All right, I do believe some rubbing alcohol will do the trick..."

So I took a bottle of Scotch from the person at the bar next to me, took a sip of it, and dip my wanker in. I then drank the rest and smashed the bottle on the floor.

My hammered wank fits quite well into Uni's tight arsehole. After I shove it all the way in, he squeezed on it... DAMN THAT FEELS GOOD!

"OH JESUS SWEET MOTHER OF MARY! Ohhh... Uni... auh... AUGH... "

I rode his arse, in public, in the nude, but I don't give a damn, he feels SO DAMN GOOD! This might have very well been the best jolly good fucking I have ever had!

I began speaking in tongues... I guess I am a Catholic after all... and I inseminated all into his arse.

The semen dripped from his arsehole... hold on, THAT'S not an arsehole...

It looked like a wet, inseminated broom rod... with a stuffed horse head on the other end...

And there was cum all over the floor, including the smashed Scotch bottle...

And all the people there were either too hammered to give a damn or right terrified out of their wits...

Terrific. I rode a hobby horse, in my birthday suit, all the way through London town, on that Flying Mint bastard's suggestion.

I guess I was more smashed than I thought...


	12. Poland's Pony Play

Halo, I'm, like, Poland!

So it was, like, World War II and all, which was TOTALLY a bummer, especially for me. Germany's crazy boss had it in for me! Why? Well, maybe because I'm, like, Jewish and stuff, and so he had me locked up in this really gnarly concentration camp!

What's even more uncool, Prussia came along (like, seriously? I thought he, like, totally wasn't a country anymore!) and he freaking CASTRATED me!

And it really, REALLY hurt! I cried for, like, an entire day!

But he totally would have, like, completely slaughtered me if I wasn't blond.

Or if he knew that blond isn't my natural hair color!

Anyway, I was stuck in this jail cell, with nothing to eat but crappy German wurst. I wanted kielbasa!

I missed my home with my stables full of ponies and all that other cool shit that I like!

And I, like, totally missed having Lithuania at my beck and call!

Oh, well. I trusted that one day I will rise from this like a PHOENIX!

"Kesese, package for a Mr. Feliks? From a Mr. Toris."

YAY! Lithuania sent me some goodies! Prussia shoved the box through my jail bars.

Prussia is, like, so totally STUPID! It could have been, like, a bomb or something to help me bust my way out of this hellhole, and he didn't even check to make sure that it wasn't!

I ripped open the package as fast as I can. I was all, like, I hope it's Prince Polo bars! Man, I, like, totally LOOOVE Prince Polo!

I squealed like a little girl when I saw what's inside.

A My Little Pony Pinkie Pie!

I, like, totally LOOOVE My Little Pony! I even loved them back before Friendship is Magic came out, back before it was cool to be a Brony, back when everybody thought My Little Pony was for little girls!

I have a collection of, like, EVERY My Little Pony in existence! I had Lithuania go on treasure hunts to find them for me. I have them all displayed in my special collection room!

But this Pinkie Pie looked like a new model. OMIGOSH! I was, like, TOTALLY missing out on the new collection of My Little Ponies that they released while I got put in concentration camp!

Thank you Lithuania!

Oh, my gosh, I, like TOTALLY wanted to fuck Lithuania right now! I don't know how I could still have a sex drive without having my _jądra_ anymore...

I guessed I was going to have to settle for Pinkie Pie. Lithuania did, after all, pick it out for me, pay for it out of his own pockets, touch it with his own hands...

I'm getting hard thinking about it, my sexy Lithuania touching this...

My sexy Lithuania TOUCHED THIS!

Like, OMIGOD!

I sat on Pinkie Pie like I would one of my own ponies. I used to get loads of happy time humping around on my own horsies as I rode them! It's like, totally fun because you can masturbate in public and nobody will be none the wiser!

I humped up and down on the pony and said, "WHEE-EE-EE-EE-EEEE!"

Pinkie was getting, like, all wet and dribbly! Her hair was, like, totally going to be ruined!

I was like, wow, I'm, like, jacking off preseminal fluid without having any balls! Like, how totally cool is that?

And my penis was, like, all hard and stuff! Is that, like, even possible if you don't have any balls?

"YAYAYA..." I made Pinkie Pie gallop around on my penis. I made her whinny and go neigh and talk like Pinkie Pie in the cartoon.

This Pinkie Pie has an open mouth! Like, totally SWEET!

I put her to the tip of my dick and made her nibble on it! YAAAAY it was my little pony giving me a nibbly little blowjob!

And then I was, like, now, pony, we shall play a little rougher, just for the fun of it!

I whacked Pinkie Pie with my penis again and again, laughing. Sometimes I whip my real ponies for fun like this! Not hard enough to hurt them, you know, so don't go calling PETA, because I treat my horsies TOTALLY good!

"HAHAHA... OK, Pinkie Pie, now you're going to make me even MORE happy!"

OK, I would never, like, do ANY of this next stuff to my real ponies. I'll hump 'em, but that's as far as I'll go. I'm like, NOT an animal pedophile like Germany!

I RAMMED my rod HARD into Pinkie Pie! Haha I was, like, I'm going to tear a hole in her ass! I was, like, totally going to regret tearing up my precious Pinkie Pie later, but at the moment I was tooo hot and horny to care.

And then I, like, TOTALLY ripped it into her plastic ass! And I came, like, instantly! I filled her up with goopy spermies and stuff!

Like, how is that even possible? I think I'm like, growing a new pair!

My _jądra_ are, like, phoenixes too!

And then when my penis got soft, it like, began to HURT, like I had been circumcised again! OUCH!

It had, like, a sharp cut in it from where I jammed it in!

I looked inside Pinkie Pie and I found out why:

Lithuania, like, somehow managed to magically put a file inside Pinkie Pie!

You know, like the kind that you use to file your nails with?

YAAAY! I was, like, TOTALLY due for a manicure!


	13. Wurst for Italy

_Ciao!_ I'm Italy - Northern Italy to be exact! And I'm about to tell you about something really exciting that happened to me!

One day I was trying to cook pasta, but the stovetop stopped working and the water wouldn't get hot! Now you know that you can't cook pasta without hot water!

I decided to call on Germany because he's good at fixing things! It's just like Grandpa Rome always says, "in heaven the engineers are German"!

"Germany! Germany, I need your helpl fixing the stove! Germany!"

He wouldn't open the door when I knocked, so I decided to just open it myself! He forgot to lock it like he normally does!

I saw Germany in there NAKED! And he had a sausage in his hands! And I then realized that it was HIS sausage!

"Germany, what are you doing?" I ask. My nose was bleeding like crazy!

Germany put on his really angry face and roared and pulled his underwear up and pushed me out.

"GET ZHE FICK OUT! HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU NOT TO ENTER MY BEDROOM WITHOUT KNOCKING!"

"But I did knock Germany! I knocked about three dozen times!"

"YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO ENTER MY ROOM EVER UNLESS I ANSWER THE DOOR!"

"But Germany, I just want to know what you're doing... I mean what were you doing to your sausage?"

Germany's face turned a really funny shade of red! "ZAT'S NONE OF YOUR GOTT VERDAMMT BUSINESS!"

Germany slammed the door on me.

Man, that thing he was doing with his sausage is awfully suspicious! It made me giggle and blush! Maybe he has some sort of embarrassing medical issue? Maybe he has a rash? Maybe he was inspecting it for herpes?

Maybe I should do the same thing with my own sausage to make sure I don't have any funny ailments!

I went back in the kitchen and I pull my underwear down. I couldn't tell if there is anything wrong with my sausage. I decided to look in that book that big brother France gave me as a birthday present, it has plenty of pictures of mens' sausages in it!

The first picture I saw looked different from mine. It was covered all over the opening by the part called the foreskin. I looked at my own and the foreskin was pulled all the way down!

OH NO! I tried pushing the foreskin down over the tip of my penis, again and again, but it just wouldn't stay!

But everytime I pulled my hand over the foreskin, it feels so GOOD!

Hee hee my sausage likes to be touched! No wonder Germany touches his a lot!

I rubbed my hand over it again and again, this time just to feel how good it feels! I giggled, and it felt like I was doing something really bad and naughty somehow, that's how good it felt!

Now the only thing that could make it feel better would be... PASTA!

But too bad! I couldn't cook any pasta! I had to use dry pasta :(

I took some dry pieces of fettuccine and rubbed them over my sausage. It felt FEALLY GOOD! I laughed at how it tickled me happy until the fettuccine broke.

Aw... why does dry pasta have to be so brittle?

I took a handful of dry spaghetti. Hey, maybe it will feel good if I shove it up my ass!

I stick my fingers into tomato sauce and slip them into my asshole to make it wide enough to stick the spaghetti in.

I rubbed the spaghetti around up inside me... OOOH! Who knew pasta could be enjoyable in more ways than one!

But then some of the spaghetti tips broke off and poked me inside my ass and it HURT! OW pasta can be so prickly!

I need some nice tough al dente cooked noodles shoved up there. And wrapped around my dong. That would be so kinky... and fun!

BUT GERMANY WAS TOO BUSY PLAYING WITH HIS SAUSAGE TO FIX THE STOVE SO I COULD COOK PASTA!

I started crying. My sausage was all big and hard now and it wanted some good PASTA!

Germany was probably in his room having a good time with a wurst...

HEY! Maybe one of his dried up wurst sausages, which taste all yucky like jerky, would feel good up there!

I dug into the food cabinets and took a skinny dried wurst. I dipped it into some mustard so that it would slip in easier.

The mustard felt spicy inside my rectum! But I liked it! Only problem, the wurst wasn't big enough. I wanted a BIG FAT SAUSAGE like Germany's!

So I got a fatter sausage out. It looked too big to fit in my little butthole, but with lots of spicy mustard I got it in!

My ass tried to squeeze it, it felt so big and hard, like I really had to go poop! I was trying to poop it out but I had a hard time doing that, but my penis seemed to like that!

WOW! I have never gotten off to the feeling of having to take a dump before!

I shoved it up higher until it was all the way in. I then remembered something!

I had a can of Chef Boyardee spaghetti pasta in the cabinets!

America likes Chef Boyardee a lot, even though it isn't as good as fresh pasta, but oh well, pasta is PASTA! And it's cooked pasta too!

I opened the can and stuck my own sausage in. I waggled it around and felt all those nice tender little noodles on it while I tried to shit out Germany's fat wurst. I heaved, going "Ve! Ve! Ve!" until it felt like I was just about to take a dump, and my penis felt like it was going to explode but in a GOOD way at the same time.

At that moment I screamed:

"PASTAAAA!" (there were actually more A's and !'s than this but doc manager likes to delete them!)

It felt like I went pee pee in the can, except it felt much better than pissing! And thicker too!

And the sausage came out like a poo poo on the floor!

Germany came in, all dressed up. I guess he was done making his sausage feel good for now.

"Italy, Gott verdammt, you ruined my... um, moment."

"Oh, hi, Germany! I was just taking care of my sausage like you were!"

"Vhat zhe..." Germany gasped when he saw the sausage and the canned tomato mixed with pasteurized process cheese sauce all over the kitchen floor!"

"VHAT IS ZHE MEANING OF ZHIS? VHY IS ZHERE PASTA SAUCE ALL OVER THE FLOOR? AND VHAT IN GOTT'S NAME DID YOU DO VIS MY VURST?"

Uh oh. Looks like Germany is angry! I had better get my white flag out and scram before he gets through with cleaning the kitchen!


	14. America's Left and Right Hands

**YES I'M FINALLY BACK! Sorry for the long hiatus between updates, I, uh… *tries to think of excuses for laziness***

**Uh, yeah, I was studying… and depressed… and being put on drugs that made the depression worse you know and not feel like writing but that's all over now I am back to being calm and happy and creative and productive. So far I have found that a combination of low-dose one-a-day Adderall, a daily caffeine drink and a cup of morning valerian tea is optimal for my energy, focus, creativity, drive, mood and overall well-being :) Not saying it works for everyone though...**

**I know, how could I possibly write a chapter on America that can top anything americalovesthecockpit has ever written?**

**BUUUT, well, I got a good idea from chatting with a buddy that I know from here on FF last week, partially concerning an important decision Alfred has to make in a couple of months…**

**Also, this might contain material that is offensive (mostly racially) to some of my fellow Americans… but you already knew that or you wouldn't be reading this right? I mean hell it's only fair after that chapter about Germany…**

Howdy! I'm America! Land of the free, home of the brave, best damn country in the world FUCK YEAH!

So that time of year was coming up, see. The time of year that I have to pick a new leader. Always such a tough decision… I'm afraid I didn't make a good choice the last two times, see. Geez, that republican Bush guy sucked, I only picked him again because the other guy was a douche and besides Bush kept us safe from being terrorized again after 9/11… damn I know it isn't funny, those hijacked planes hurt like hell! But you gotta admit, it was pretty damn funny that those terrorist ragheads knew our emergency phone number, teehee… 911 GET IT? I should have called 911 that day but I panicked…

And then after him I picked this black dude named Obama. It was a tough choice, I know, his name sounds like a terrorist's, (psst – his middle name is HUSSEIN) and well, he's black, and that pisses a lot of the white conservatives off. But, you see, I am actually part black, even though I don't look it, but it's all right there in the gene pool. Besides, Obama is part white… and well I picked him in the end because he promised CHANGE. None of the GOP peoples ever promised that. I was just about through with them anyway. They were fucking me up pretty bad, at least according to NBC and CBS and FOX and all those other news channels…

But, well, now Obama is fucking me up pretty bad according to them as well. Geez I'm not sure I even know the difference between the Dems and the Republicans anymore… maybe I should just pick somebody from the Green party. You know, the guy that sabotaged Al Gore's chances of winning, I forget his name… or that one old Libertarian fella who runs year after year, I forget his name…

SOOO, now FOX is telling me that my two choices this year are Obama again, and Mitt Romney.

I remember Mitt. He tried to run 4 years ago but apparently couldn't make the GOP ticket haha.

Hmm, tough decision… Obama sucks, but Romney is a born-rich bastard who might be worse… daaaaang who is the lesser of two evils?

I didn't care. I just lit a bong and puffed on it. I'm so glad marijuana isn't illegal anymore… well not in California anyway, which is where I got a prescription for… errrm, pre-election anxiety. Yeah.

You know, the candidates look pretty gosh darn sexy. Maybe I should pick the hotter one…

FUCK! They're both so hot… so polished, suave, good at ass kissing… yeah I've got a thing for crooked politician types. Shoot me.

Too bad I was all alone. Just me and my hand…

HEEHEE! I just got a really neat idea! But I needed some Crayola markers…

Hmm, should I make my left hand Romney or Obama? Pfft, Obama, DUH! He's the lefty of the two, right?

I scribbled all over him with brown Crayola marker (the washable variety of course, nontoxic of course so it won't poison my fist, or other parts for that matter ;)

Finally I drew a face on the niqqa. That and some big fat red niqqa lips.

I made the little fisty-face talk, saying, "I'm Barack Obama, and I approve this message" in my very best Obama voice.

"Oh, Barry… hmmhmm, so I hear you're the greatest ass kisser in the world, is that true?"

I made Barry laugh his high niqqa laugh and then put him to my rear. Not did he kiss it… he sniffed it, licked it, probed it, it all felt so slippery good with the nontoxic marker as lubricant.

"Uh oh… OOOooohh, BARRY…." My eyes made that little Japanese face (remember the song? Back in 1980, I believe… I think it was Arthur's band though…) as I began to pop a boner.

I took Barry's face out of my pants. He looked a little less black now. I'll bet he got my ass good and black though. I got flashbacks of ole Mr. Confederacy's warning: "THAT SHIT DON'T WASH OFF" but in this case it does, it's WASHABLE!

Barry looked at the bulge growing in my pants and then my fist – I mean his mouth made a little "o".

"Did I do that?" he said in my best Steve Urkel impersonation. LOLOL black guys are so funny! What's even funnier is that Barry and Urkel look exactly alike, and so do all other black people for that matter! I mean, dafuq? White people don't look like other white people… well except me and what's-his-name, my brother…

"Oh yes you DID do that, my little butt-kissing Barry." I pointed my right hand in a teasing gesture at him.

My right hand…

I drew a little face on my right fist to make it look like Romney.

"What the hell did that Negro Sodomite do to you? My, my, he ruined our country!"

"Put a silver spoon in it, Rob-me!" Barry said to Mitt.

"We're all still waiting on that birth certificate, O-Bomb-a", Mitt said to Barry.

"Guys, guys, take it easy, you both can have your share of me…"

"What in God's name… Good lord what's become of this country, first gay marriage and now legal man-on-man buttsex, what next? Equal rights for poor people?" says Romney.

"This from a guy from one of the few states to legalize gay marriage," I told him. "Listen, whoever does the best job at kissing my ass gets my vote. You got me?

"OK!" Mitt gets to work picking at my anus. You know, maybe it's because I'm right handed, but Mitt so far was a better butt-kisser!

"What about me? I'm not finished!" Barry moaned.

"Shut up. I have another mission for your fat ole blowjobbing niqqa lips."

"Whuh? OK but only if I can have watermelon and fried chiggin afterwards."

LOLOLOlolol stereotypes ROCK!

"Oh and Koolai."

Koolaid. Hmm I like Koolaid too, and not just because it's advertised with that awesome dude that goes "OH YEAH!" and looks like a red Jack-o-lantern. Heh, must be the African in me.

"It's a deal Barry! Now give me a good suck down!"

Barry starts rubbing his tight "o" mouth up and down over my erection. Dang he's good. Well not as tight or as fast as Mitt should be, he being my right hand and the one I use most often, but all the slippery brown ink on him (I freshened him up of course) felt good, even though it was making my dick look like a black African's.

"Dbwagyadugahzasmpaaahwvaabpo ah" Barry said, tightening and loosening over my dick to the rhythm of his speech.

"Haha what? Speak up!"

Barry spits my dick out, his face dripping with brown ink-mixed precum. "I said 'dang your dick is small, white boy.'"

NOT FUNNY! "Mitt, it's your turn now!"

But Mitt was already blowing me. He had ran up to finish what Barry started as soon as Barry spit me out. And he was blowing me DAMN good! Nice and fast and just the right rhythm, Barry was a little awkward at it…

"Hey not fair! Affirmative action means that I should get more opportunity!" Barry complains, punching Mitt and trying to grab my dick back.

"And WHY? Considering the average Negro IQ is lower than the average White's, it's only fair and just that WE should get more opportunity!" Mitt screamed, clutching me at the balls.

OOH.

Barry punched Mitt back – which meant punching my balls and it kinda HURT…

"I'm calling the N double A C P!"

"I'm calling the KKK!"

"Oh no you di'int!"

"Niqqa!"

"Nazi!"

"Go get lynched."

"Well… you still can't dance, white boy."

Mitt and Barry were fighting over my dick… and it felt kind of good. Not the racial tension, but they way they were squeezing it and tugging it and sliming over it… DAAAANG I can't ever recall having such an exciting fapping spree! This was even more awesome than the time I bought a map of England and… oh never mind hehehe somebody else wrote that story **(check out americalovesthecockpit's FAP FAP FAP)**

"Guys, stop, I'm about to finish…"

And so I climaxed. I was actually laughing through it, in a really crazy high pitched voice, geez I hope the neighbors didn't hear… or that my pet alien didn't secretly record it and distribute my fapping session over the internet…

Mitt and Barry were all covered in sticky cum. "So who won? Tell us tell us!"

"Um, actually… I really can't decide. You two kinda look the same." Yea they did, the cum washed all the marker off of them. So they don't look like wannabe presidents anymore… they look like… hands ._.

"WE DO NOT LOOK THE SAME ONE OF US IS BLACK AND ONE OF US IS WHITE!" The crazy handfists roared.

"The color is just a wrapper, you two taste the same underneath!" Just like when Doritos got new packaging, new look same great taste. Couldn't say the same for new Coke though… YUCK! Anybody remember that? Well probably not if you weren't alive or old enough during the 80s…

Haha… I guess this is what happens when one tries fapping while high…

And then the doorbell rang. Aw Jesus what is it more Jehovah's Witnesses? They know my NAME now… that's what I get for being sucked into longer than a two-second conversation with them…

I pull up my pants and wipe my hands on the couch. Hopefully nobody notices… if anybody asks I'll tell them Americat puked there.

I answer the door. It's a nice looking old man, he looks kind of familiar, like the kind of guy who would run for president.

"Hello, I'm Dr. Paul, and I'm here for a house call, how are you?"

"House call? I don't remember scheduling a house call…" hell I didn't even know doctors did house calls anymore…

"Well I'm not going to be real nosy or anything, I'm just being a good Samaritan, that's all."

"Ok, well, have a seat… NOT over there…" I steer him away from the couch and into the armchair.

"Why, thank you. So I understand you are suffering from pre-election anxiety?"

"Well yeah it's tough being a country, especially the country that has to be the hero…"

"Listen, Alfred, maybe it's not healthy for you to try and be the hero all the time?"

"But…"

"You need to take care of yourself first. Leave the Afghanis alone. How would you like it if other countries were nosing around telling you what to do all the time?"

"Don't remind me…" I remembered back when I was one of England's colonies.

"You also hate it when your boss does it to you right?"

"Pfft, yeah, like O-BOMB-a, he's trying to take my guns away and shit…"

"By the way, how are you managing your anxiety? Not with Big Pharma neurotoxins I hope?"

"Nah, just a bowl a day of Mary Jane…"

"Well, that's good, then, if it's working for you, just take care not to overdo it ok? One little accident from getting a little too high on it and the feds will be all over it, they'll step in and try to take that right away from you faster than you can say 'I pledge allegiance'. Well I've got to go now, I was just checking up to make sure you were ok. Gotta stay strong and free, you know?"

"You betcha!" I took Dr. Paul to the door. "Thanks Dr. Paul, and good luck with being a doctor and… stuff!"

"You're welcome. And please, call me Ron." The doctor winked at me before he left.

Wow, this doctor Paul dude seems like a pretty cool person! He should TOTALLY run for President!


	15. Estonia's Techno Fetish

Estonia here. You know, the world's master computer hacker?

What, you didn't know that? Figures.

NOBODY knows that I am the smartest country! Hell nobody would even know that I existed if it weren't for my darling Kerli! And if anybody says that she is a Lady Gaga ripoff my botnets will find you and spam your inbox with Trojans!

But people don't know that I am the smartest and most technologically sophisticated country in the world do they? People think the smartest country is Germany, because he holds claim over Einstein and Gauss, or Austria because he can play a mean piano, or Ivan because since the fall of the Iron Curtain he's become the top chess player in the world, or Japan or China or Hong Kong or South Korea because they're, well, Asian.

Well hehehe…that is all going to change. When my darling virus causes the entire world to crash…

Hold that thought I had to check my messages…

Ok so Ivan wanted to challenge me to a game of blitz chess?

I said BRING IT ON!

Mehehehe one of these days I WILL defeat Russia!

That day might just have been THAT day, seeing Russia had made several blunders, though he was still putting up a good fight…

Okay so then I got a plan. Mate in 7 (or fewer if he continues to blunder…)

Wait… WTF why wasn't my cursor moving?!

The screen changed and said "DENIAL OF SERVICE"

NOOOOOOOOOO!

VIRUS BABY WHY DID YOU HAVE TO BACKFIRE ON DADDY?!

OLE SA NEETUD IVAN!

I slammed my fists over the keyboard in rage. I grabbed my smartphone out of the side outlet with plans to deliver a few VERY insulting texts to Russia…

DAMN! The phone didn't work either!

I checked everything in the house… the laptop, the other desktop, the other smartphone, the other laptop… NOTHING WAS WORKING!

Must… have… technology… *dying*

I had to switch to some old dinosaur piece of technology powered by double As...

Like my TI-84 graphing calculator. Well actually that one is powered by triple As but...

I remember my freshman year of college when I first scored one of these, as a Christmas present from Tino, to replace my TI-83, which had gotten me through calculus in high school, that that bastard Ivan had broken...

Ohhh, that new technology smell, of the fresh cardboard and plastic wrapping as I opened it... just remembering it made me, erm, swell in the genital area, just like the first day.

The circuitry in this thing... the functions, the programs, the POSSIBILITIES...

I loosened my pants a bit.

I can't spell stupid stuff out of LCD numbers like I could with some of my older calculators, but I know my way well around one of these babies, and I was getting too, too excited thinking about what I was going to do on it...

But first I had to, uh, put my hand in my pants to... never mind...

Yeheheh, I know how to press her buttons JUUUUST right...

Okaaaay, I was hard as the chassis on my Windows 8 (that's not even out yet, jealous?) I stuck my other hand intp my pants to, well, it was only getting harder and harder... and wetter...

Ick. I should wash my hands before I get back to feeling on my sweet little Tina the Second (yes I name my calculators... my TI-83 was Tina the First... *sniff*) But I am too caught up in the heat of the moment.

Aaah, I could just barely remember the last time I did this. Good times, good times...

OH! The function I was graphing! SWEET, sweet math... ahhh... ohhhh...

I confess, I get feels when my mind grapples with gorgeous, elegant, BEAUTIFUL... mathematics.

Her buttons were becoming sticky with preseminal fluid. As a matter of fact, they were still sticky with preseminal fluid... and postseminal fluid from last time...

Not as bad as my video game controllers, mind you but still...

"AAEEEHHH HA HA HA... OHHhh... I haven't boned this much since I met GLADOS on Portal...

"AAHhHhHh..." the latus rectum on this one... nah not sexy enough. Delete and graph something more... _curvaceous_.

I erred closer and closer to climax as I graph figure after curvaceous figure... but the GREATEST HIGH OF ALL... is to not only solve an unproven conjecture but be the one to come up with it... a function that you can truly call your OWN...

"AHAHAHAHA... EUREKAAAA!"

YES. I SOLVED IT! I was grinning from ear to ear at the figure on the screen. Not only had I solved and graphed it, but I had also made a program that causes it to GROW... and shrink, over a range of t values, depending upon the ones you type in as the integrands...

Oh yeah and I made a whole sticky mess in my pants. I pulled my hand out, wiped it off and zipped and buttoned it up.

"Eduard?" Latvia was at the door.

YES! Someone to show my breakthrough to! I ran to the door and somehow manage to open it with my sticky yet slippery hands.

"LOOK! LOOK! Do you see that? Do you know what that is?"

Latvia squinted at it. "Uuhh, a penis?"

"WHAT?! Uuhh, hehehe, no silly it's the graph for... well, I shall call it Eduard's Theorem."

"Why are the calculator buttons all sticky?"

"Uumm, that's just... mochi. Yeah hehe I've been making a lot of mochi lately... see I even made one of you. It's over there right between the me mochi and the Lithuania mochi..."

"Oh goodie what flavor am I... anyway I just came to deliver you this text message from Ivan, he's complaining that you won't answer his text messages."

"Well, that's because my service is dead because of..."

Wait a minute... HOW THE HELL DOES RUSSIA STILL GET PHONE AND INTERNET SERVICE, IF THE VERY COUNTRY THAT CREATED THE DEAR VIRUS THAT CAUSED THE SERVICE DENIAL DOESN'T?


	16. Belarus's Teddy Time

**Sorry for a long absence of updates, hehehe...**

**Um, that is to be blamed on dysfunctional computer, on and off internet access, and, um, medication issues...**

**I have a good new computer now, but don't expect updates to be frequent. At least not until my head/body is straightened out.**

**Anyway, I was challenged to write a chapter about Belarus WITHOUT any reference to Russia whatsoever.**

**Well...**

**CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.**

**(It's based on something that actually happened recently too).**

Прывітанне. I am former Soviet Union's sweetheart, Belarus.

I will tell you story of how I was having happy time in sunshine meadow of sunflowers near Minsk. Sunflowers say pretty because here in my country, if we find punk kid stomping around sunflowers, punk kid will be CRUSHED!

Tehehe... as I was saying, it was nice lovely sunshiney day that I was smelling sunflowers and looking so pretty in maid outfit, when all of sudden, something landed on head and knocked me down face first onto ground!

GRRRRRrrr... I got up and saw that object that knocked me down was teddy bear.

TEDDY BEAR?! WHO has the nerve to throw teddy bear on me! I lifted skirt and took knife out of hiding place on stocking.

I looked around sunflower field looking for punk that threw teddy bear at me. I see no one.

And then... THUNK! Other teddy bear hit me on head from out of blue.

One teddy bear is for to be dismissed as freak accident, but TWO teddy bear is no accident!

Somebody was trying to use teddy bears for to make my heart all warm and fuzzy on inside! I was thinking that Lithuania is doing this!

Teddy bear number three landed out of blue right in front of me. I picked up teddy bear and squeezed arms so tight it would have cut bear's pulse if it were living bear.

"So, teddy bear want play time?" I said with happy smiling face. "I will show you real fun time teddy!"

I ripped teddy across face with knife and stabbed in heart. Then I sliced arms off, then legs off, then finally I sliced head off.

I was having such a fun time! I laughed loud and happy while ripping teddy up and getting cotton fuzz everywhere.

Then teddy number four knocked me on the face and knocked me down onto back. Then teddy number five fell down hard onto private area!

It should have hurt but it felt good at same time.

So Liet wants to be kinky da? I show Liet how to be kinky!

I turned kinky teddy over on stomach and used knife to slash big gash on teddy bear ass. I hope teddy bear is big fan of BRUTAL sadomasochism!

I jumped up and squashed coochie over teddy bear ass. I lifted coochie up and squashed it down again and again until all stuffing was cum out of gash.

And then teddy number six landed on my ass!

Teddy number six shall be next victim! I stabbed teddy in head and severed arms and legs and then used knife to shove teddy cadaver hard into coochie.

I rub teddy corpse back and forth over clit. It felt so good it made me laugh.

Two more teddy bears fell out of sky while I was doing this. I then got other idea for what to do with stuffed bears.

I took one and put inside panties. I unfastened garter belt and strapped it tight around panties to keep tight around coochie for more feel. I humped up and down on it while squeezing other teddy tight in hands.

"How do you like me now Liet? Huh? HUH? You enjoying Belarussian style kinky play? Are you? ARE YOU?"

I took knife and slashed Liet teddy's button eyes and button nose off in slow painful manner. I then sliced knife along stitches in teddy's face in slow painful manner. Finally, I jabbed knife up teddy bear ass as violent and hard as I could and twisted it around like drill.

This torturing excited me so much that vagina made cum all over teddy bear in panties.

After climax I was hit by more teddies than I could count. In fact, there were so many teddies that I was buried alive like dead person!

I ripped all the teddies away like overgrown rose bush until I see sky. It was then that I saw where teddies all came from.

It was airplane, but not airplane from Lithuania. Airplane was dark blue with yellow cross which is flag of...

"SWEDEN! YOU WILL PAY!"


End file.
